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7.02.2017

Destiny or "Life is what we make it?"

So this really is the midlife! 

One of my female teachers in  med school shared with us her story when guys at the bar/disco (during 80s) would distance themselves from her upon learning that she was a doctor. Her profession became the biggest  holdback for the guys to even ask her on a date. So she came up with a clever solution. When asked, she would always say she was a medtech (as her pre-med course) and guys would seem interested on her. 

They say women are like a fish in the ocean. When you're small, a lot of fishes will surround you and won't mind your presence. But as you become bigger, some of the fish, especially the small ones will get intimated by your presence and as much as possible won't go anywhere near you.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying men are insecure, but I think they are just being practical and realistic. Let's admit, we see women doctors as high maintenance and might expect more form their husbands.

I'm telling you this because I didn't wanna be a big fish. When I decided to quit med school, my ideal life ahead was to get married at 28-30,  I'd a have good career, a husband who is a good provider at the same time supportive of my decisions, have our own kids and a nice home, we'd visit my family and in-laws on Sundays or special occasions and travel once in a while (like the ideal family in the movies).

28-30, guys.

Oh well, life is not always in your favor. What I have now is a career, a nice home and a nice travel once in a while. Something's missing here.

A few more years and I'll be in my fourth decade in this lifetime. I was hopeful but  the hope slowly deteriorates like a woman's hormones when she reaches late 30s.

I read one article about this Philippine DJ who had her eggs frozen because she was 35 and unmarried. She said she needed to have a back up plan when she decides to have a kid in the future but is destined to be single forever. Said she has the capacity to raise kids even without a husband but at least the kid comes from her own flesh and blood. Her own choice.

Made me ponder. No doubt it's good to have a kid of your own but for me, adoption is no less than having your own. Parenthood is not about having kids of blood relations but more on sharing love and care, raising beautiful children, sharing with them good manners and life lessons, and eventually taking pride in having raised such fine and God-fearing adults in the making.

I always think about this but there are times I'd block this thought and start thinking whatever will be, will be.

Que sera, sera.


1.07.2017

Resurrection

For the weirdest reason, I felt I needed to update this blog. It kinda made me sentimental as I browsed through the entries; some more than a decade old.

Looking back, my last post was in 2014. I have an unpublished post saved in my draft folder in 2015 entitled "To Love at All is to be Vulnerable". I'm still trying hard to remember what had gotten into me to even write about it. And I find the title cringe-worthy. Lol.

Anyways, 2015 and 2016 were both naughty and nice. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ I've grown since (literally and figuratively... no question about it). I was too busy that I almost forgot I also had a personal laptop. I was stuck with my office laptop and I almost hated turning it on, as doing so would mean letting myself be raped mentally. It's like going to a battle where you know in the end you'd raise that white flag and let them devour you, helpless.

Two birthdays and two Christmases had passed, 4 additional countries stamped on my passport, several flights to Manila, 10 effing pounds (or more), and a major haircut after several years.

In those 2 years, I can say I have learned a lot and since I am still alive, I think I've only become stronger ☺ Let me share with you a few of those realizations:

1. No matter how good and awesome you are, you can always be replaced.

2. Do not try to find the answers to all your questions. Some things are really hard to comprehend. Don't waste your energy thinking and trying to understand the things that are happening. Sure there's a reason. It's just not the right time for you know.

3. The prize of hard work is sweet. You've earned it. Savor the moment.

4. Pressure is your enemy. Peer pressure, colleague pressure, society pressure... they are all trash. Do not ever let them defeat you. Follow your instincts.

5. The pursuit of happiness is a journey. Do not focus on the destination. Enjoy your travel, and who knows, you might find it during the stops and breaks and intermissions. If the destination is the end of the journey, you might regret being too focused to reach the destination that you forgot to enjoy the ride. It might result to disillusionment. Remember the lessons from "The Alchemist" and "Hope for the Flowers".

I feel I'm wiser in 2017 than before. I'm ready to kick arse. I hope this year will be as good, if not better than the past years.

Here's to claiming the victory! *cheers* ๐Ÿน๐Ÿน